I don't know. When are you going to have manners?

The ink is barely dry on the marriage certificate and people start asking, "When are you going to have kids?"

Suddenly your decision to have children is everyone's business. Deciding to have a child is a personal and private decision for a husband and a wife to thoroughly discuss and consider. They may opt to confide in a close friend or family member, but that's their choice and strangers and acquaintances should keep their opinions to themselves.

I've been married almost six years, so, believe me, I've been asked plenty of times about whether babies are in my future. My husband and I try to be polite and say we haven't decided yet, which is the truth. But often we're met with disapproving looks as if there is something wrong with us because we don't have a six pack of kids in tow.

I wish more people would give serious thought to having children. It's a major responsibility that turns your life upside down. Just having two dogs can be tough -- and I can lock them in their kennels during the day! Children require time, attention, money, unconditional love and plenty of sacrifice. Thousands are children are brought into this world every day to parents who never considered what they were doing. Why look down on people who want to be certain they are making the best choice?

When people ask about your baby plans, it is awkward. It's also incredibly rude because they don't know the circumstances and may have just hit a nerve. It's tough to know how to respond. A thousand snarky comments run through your mind, but you try to be polite.

But now I have some great responses. A co-worker sent me these from an Ann Landers column posted on this Web site.

These are priceless and I plan to use them all at some point.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Childless in the East," who asked you for a good response when people say, "When are you going to have kids?" My wife and I waited to have children. We shut up the insensitive clods by giving them an indignant look and replying, "I cannot begin to imagine how that would possibly interest you." We both had good jobs and enjoyed traveling. We also saved and invested. We had children when we were ready, and by then, we could provide nicely for them and give them the quality of life they deserved. -- George in Jacksonville, Fla.

Dear George: We were overwhelmed with suggested responses. Read on:

Pensacola, Fla.: Years ago, my daughter was asked when she would have kids. I suggested she reply indignantly, "We'd NEVER do that! We're vegetarians."

Redding, Calif.: A friend once asked, "When are you going to have a baby?" My husband replied, "Well, we keep kissing and kissing, and nothing happens."

Jacksonville, Fla.: My best answer is, "When they come with a return policy."

Chicago: My sister's favorite response was, "On the third Thursday after the second blue moon of a year evenly divisible by seven." People didn't ask twice.

Wisconsin: Here's mine: "If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cat." Works for me.

Spokane, Wash.: I tell people, "I don't breed well in captivity."

East Coast: My husband's favorite answer is, "My wife and I prayed for 20 years for children, and then we found out that's not how you do it."

Indianapolis: I like this one: "I love kids. I had one last night with a glass of Chianti and fava beans."

New York: "We used to have two, but we traded them in for a new car."

East Coast: Tell them, "I can't bear children," then refuse to explain yourself.

Portsmouth, N.H.: When people ask, "When are you guys having kids?" just say: "I don't know. What have you heard?"

SciFi Fan: "When are you going to have kids?" Answer: "You mean you can't see them?"

Georgia: How's this: "I don't know. When are you going to have manners?"

New York: My husband would look dejected and say, "Well, you see, there was this accident at the factory . . . " People would immediately apologize.

Michigan: I tell people, "Oh, I've had several children, but the state kept taking them away, so I quit."

Hoboken, N.J.: "Well, Hubby's certainly placing the orders." That rattled them.

Freeport, Ill.: My husband finally told one persistent questioner, "We don't know how. Can you come over and show us?" She never asked again.

North Ft. Myers, Fla.: We tell people we're going to wait until we retire so our Social Security covers Viagra and cribs.

Nevada City, Calif.: I say, "When the world's population decreases to a sustainable 3.5 billion and each person takes responsibility to reproduce only one child so we can all live healthy and wealthy, enriched, caring lives for all species."

Salem, Ore.: I'm a man, and I recently solved that problem by saying, "Doug can't have children."

Overseas: I've been in the military 12 years and recently got married. I tell people, "If the Army wanted me to have kids, they would have issued me some."

Montreal: I used to be one of those people who would ask couples when they were going to have children. One day, a friend quietly responded: "It's not that we're not trying, it's just not happening. It's painful to discuss." I don't ask anymore.

No, I haven't been flossing

Why does the dental hygienist always ask if I have been flossing every day? Clearly she can see, as she picks tarter from between my teeth, I have not been flossing every day.

Why must she ask in that accusatory tone if I floss every day? (Do they teach that tone in dental hygienist school?) Now I feel guilty. For a split second, I think about saying, "Why, yes, I do floss every day." But it's no use -- she can see with her tiny mirror and picky thingy I am not flossing on a daily basis. So, I respond with a: "Um, well, not EVERY day."

And I leave the dentist’s office with a renewed resolve to floss every single day and maybe even twice a day. I’m sure my good intentions will last about two weeks. I’ll go back for a teeth cleaning in six months and the dental hygienist and I will find ourselves in the same situation: Have you been flossing every day?

“Um, well ….”

Real Estate Trials, Part I

It's tough selling your house while still living in it. Each morning, I must do the following things:

* Make the bed
* Stuff dog beds under bed
* Wipe off bathroom sink
* Put basket of lotions and soaps under sink so counter space looks ample
* Make sure nothing is on the kitchen counter
* Make sure the living room is tidy and couch and chair cushions are fluffed
* Make sure dog hair tumbleweeds aren't rolling across the bathroom or kitchen floors
* Make sure blinds are open so rooms look sunny, bright and spacious
* Sweep screened-in back porch and make sure glass top patio table doesn't look too dirty

The process is exhausting. I try to take care of most of these tasks in the evening, but still ....

I feel like putting a sign on the door: "Dear potential buyer: I'm doing the best I can to make this a fabulous show home, but let's face it, two people and two dogs live here!"

The Big 3-0

I looked at myself carefully in the mirror this morning. Could I really be 30 years old? In my head, I swear I'm 22.

But in reality, I hit the big 3-0 today. I have mixed emotions about this milestone. I feel pretty accomplished for being 30 -- I have a great husband, a successful career, wonderful friends, two great dogs, two college degrees, good health and a roof over my head. And, if all goes well, I'll have an even nicer roof over my head soon (see previous posting).

And, at the same time, I feel sadness mixed with anticipation. I'm sad for the years lost and I'm sad over how quickly time seems to be passing by. If the first 30 years went by this quickly, imagine how fast the next 30 will go. Yet I'm eager to see what life has in store for me. If I could do this much in 30 years, imagine what the next 30 years will bring.

Thank you, God, for giving me 30 years on this great earth. Thank you for your many blessings and for the blessings I know are coming. Help me to enjoy each and every moment -- not to fear the passage of time but to welcome each day, knowing it is an opportunity for greatness.

We're Moving

There is a "for sale" in our front yard.

For the last few months, Clint and I have talked about moving to Mount Pleasant on the other side of Charleston. It would put me much closer to my job. Plus, the area is nicer. One of the downsides is that the houses are more expensive, so we often tossed the idea around but didn't think we could make it happen.

Our conversations took a more serious turn a few weeks ago and we decided to start looking -- it's free to see what's available in your price range. We found a real estate agent and she's been showing us houses. In an effort to catch the school's-almost-out-so-it's-time-to-move crowd, we decided to put our house up for sale contingent on our finding suitable housing.

It's exciting and a little scary. Plus, this was our first house so I'll be a little sad to leave it behind. But house shopping is fun and we're hopeful we can find something we love soon.

Stay tuned ...