Retired dreams

He had made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

On my recent post “What if?” reader Julie posted a comment and a question that has been on my mind almost daily:

I love the idea of new dreams; it's retiring the old ones that really challenge me. I have such a hard time letting go and leaving behind those things that are such a part of me. Any suggestions on really letting go?

Don’t think I’ve been ignoring your question, Julie, it’s just that I have been trying to think of a really great answer. I keep coming back to this idea of really letting go and I’m not sure it’s possible to truly let go of the dreams, as Julie puts it, “that are such a part of me.”

Sometimes our dreams just change with time or they simply fade away as new dreams consume our focus. In college, I dreamed of being an overseas correspondent, working as a reporter in a Spanish-speaking country. With time that dream was replaced with a new dream of being a political reporter, eventually covering state or federal government. At some point along the way, life intervened and that dream sort of just faded into my memory.

And some dreams are just plain fun and border on completely unrealistic. I dream of being a country music star. Crazy and most likely impossible? Definitely. But that doesn’t keep me from dreaming about singing a duet with George Strait.

Seriously, though, I think the longer we’ve had a dream the harder it is to let go. It has become a part of who we are and it’s difficult to simply cast that dream aside. And, quite frankly I’m not sure we should. It would be like denying a part of ourselves.

If we reach a point where it is time to retire a dream, I think the best thing to do is file it away. Don’t deny it. Don’t forget all about it. Don’t pretend it never existed. Tuck it away in that corner of your mind where fond memories live. It’s still there, waiting for you to pull it out one day and “remember when.”

Then fill your focus with a new dream, one that is attainable but that stretches you; a dream that both fits with your current circumstances, but also forces you to look to the future.

When people retire from a life-long career, they don’t dismiss that career and pretend it never existed. Instead they talk about that career with fondness while pursuing new goals and aspirations.

That’s the approach we can take with our “retired” dreams. Give them their due, but let the new dreams take center stage.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this process of retiring dreams. Please post a comment. And, Julie, hope that helps!

A little better planning

For weeks I’ve been intending to update my blog. One of my goals for 2009 was to give this blog more attention, partly for my own interests and partly as a way to showcase my writing. OK, back on the saddle!

One of my challenges has been getting a handle on my schedule. When you work from home, particularly with a 1-year-old and two dogs constantly underfoot, life can become a time management nightmare. Most days I’m up at 5:30 a.m. and finally collapse about 9:30 or 10 at night. I’ve been trying to squeeze in full-time childcare, freelance work, exercise and some personal writing projects into my day – not to mention laundry, vacuuming, dog brushing, grocery shopping and, well, you get the picture.

My plight is certainly not unique. Countless parents juggle work and family, but I find working from home brings a whole new set of challenges. When I worked in an office, I devoted eight or more hours a day to work and then dealt with home life when I was home. Now, the lines are somewhat blurred – making phone calls, changing diapers, folding laundry, running to meetings, checking e-mail, filling a sippy cup.

Fortunately, my freelance work as writer/editor and PR professional with a local firm has been gaining momentum. More work is coming my way, and I am definitely not complaining. But over the last few weeks, I’ve simply been reacting to the task that’s screaming loudest – whether that’s deadline or daughter.

So, this week, I’ve embarked on some efforts to bring more order – and I hope more productivity – to my life. After talking with my husband, we decided to divide up some additional household tasks. For example, three days a week Clint is responsible for dinner and three days a week I am. Another three days a week, Clint gives Katherine her bath and gets her ready for bed; I do it the rest of the week. I’ve also asked Clint to give Katherine her breakfast one morning a week, so I can wrap up work or just get a quick shower.

I’m also working to create a realistic to-do list for each day. I’ll take the half dozen or so items that are high priority and then tackle those in order of importance. My ultimate goal is to assign a time to everything I do, such as 5:30-6:15 a.m. Pilates; 6:15-6:45 a.m. shower and dress; 6:45-7:15 a.m. e-mail; 7:15-9:30 a.m. take care of Katherine and so on, assigning out day. My hope is if everything has a place on my calendar, it will make it tough to overlook and keep me from being distracted.

Of course, the best-laid plans can go array … Gotta run, someone is screaming.

What if ......

Lately I’ve been finding myself with a case of the “what ifs.” That’s not to say I’m regretting my choices – well, maybe a couple here and there – yet I can’t help but wonder what might have happened if I’d done this, gone here, worked there or avoided that.

I blame Facebook. I reconnected with someone whose job description is just what I always wanted to do. I also have several college friends on Facebook and it reminds me of my days as a journalism student at Ohio University with dreams as big as the sky and a passion for a life I knew was going to be filled with absolute greatness.

The silly ideas of a 22-year-old young woman? Maybe. But what good is a life without those big, all-consuming dreams? It gives you something to work toward, even if the big dream becomes a little dream or even if the big dream becomes, well, just a dream.

I’ve written before about how I struggle with putting my faith in God’s dreams and taking my “planner personality” out of the equation. I don’t think God wants us to stop dreaming, but we do need to align our dreams with his will, which can be challenging at times.

I think it just might be time to retire some old dreams. I can’t change the past and might not even want to if I could. It’s quite possible the time has come to generate some new dreams.

Inauguration Day

This morning when I got up, I wondered if Barack Obama slept well last night. Did he wake up with butterflies in his stomach? OK, admittedly not very deep thoughts, but you have to wonder if he's a nervous wreck. I think I would be.

Regardless of your political beliefs, it's a big day. The world is abuzz with "change." It's almost as if we expect an entirely different country tomorrow. Barack Obama has his work cut out for him. He faces significant issues, particularly here at home, and I don't envy him.

I don't recall this much hype when George W. Bush was sworn in as president. Some of it is Obama's status as the first black president in a country that continues to face racial divides and tensions. Some of it is the country's deep desire for a president who will lead us in the right direction. So many have been disappointed in Bush's policies and leadership.

Right now, I'm listening to CNN on my computer (which, by the way, has a very cool interactive feature with Facebook). I hope we can join together as a country and put our support behind the new 44th president. This could be a real time for unity and Obama needs our prayers.

Inspiring words from Kate Gosselin

Like millions of TV viewers, I have been drawn to the TLC program “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” In case you’ve haven’t seen the show (most likely you’ve been living in a cave), it’s about a Pennsylvania family with eight children – twins and sextuplets.

The show follows the family on its journey of life with 10 people in a household. I’ve enjoyed watching it for two main reasons: it’s comforting and it’s realistic. I take comfort in the fact I don’t have eight children. I take comfort in the fact that if this couple can survive with eight children, surely I can survive with one. The family seems real – Jon and Kate squabble and fight. They aren’t always all smiles, but they seem to really love each other and try to do the best they can as parents. Read more about the family here.

The show has its share of critics and people who think Jon and Kate Gosselin have exploited their children for financial profit. I think they’ve been able to give their kids some perks in life they normally would not have been able to afford or coordinate.

Earlier this year, Kate Gosselin published a book titled “Multiple Blessings,” which chronicles the family’s story and includes more about their faith and Christianity than TLC chooses to include in the TV show. (Photo: Kate Gosselin signs copies of "Multiple Blessings.")

Last night I had the chance to hear Kate speak at my church, Seacoast in Mount Pleasant. The event was sold out and the place was packed with hundreds of women eager to hear from this mega-mom.

At the “Coffee with Kate” event, Kate Gosselin explained how she and Jon were Christians, but how early in their marriage and when their twin girls were small, life was good and they weren’t really relying on or consulting God. (Gee, haven’t we all been there. We’re cruising along, soaking up the blessings and, well, God is in there somewhere.)

But when life tosses us a curve ball, suddenly we run to God, giving him our full attention. Kate talked about how much she and Jon turned to God when they found out they were expecting not one or two, but six babies.

I can relate to Kate, who is Type A all the way and has a strong desire to plan and control her life. Suddenly, she had no control. She turned her worries over to God and accepted the fact this was his plan for her.

I took comfort in the fact she says it took more than two years before she completely came to terms with their child-filled life. My daughter is almost a year old, and I still have trouble accepting my life as a parent and my role as a mother.

Logically, we know life works better when we turn to God. Yet, why is that so hard for us to do? And better yet why is it so hard to do when life is going well? For some reason, we seem to think we know better. We want what we want how we want it and when we want it. I pray I begin to want what God wants how he wants it and when he wants it for me.

Thanks, Kate Gosselin, for sharing your story and for setting an example that God always provides and that he loves us enough to craft the perfect plan.

Kate shared this verse and how, even though she’d know this verse since she was a child, it really hit home when she was pregnant for sextuplets:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Nah, it can't be

I thought I might have noticed it several weeks ago. No, couldn’t be. It was the lighting in the bathroom. Yes, had to be the lighting in the bathroom.

I noticed it again. I just need a color touch up. It’s just a very light-colored hair, that’s all, just a very light hair.

I look again a few days later – in a different bathroom mirror. I feel sort of ill.

It’s a gray hair. Actually, it’s a couple – or maybe even more than a couple – gray hairs. I mention it to my husband, who admits he noticed them some time ago and graciously kept his mouth shut. Smart man. Although, he has a couple of these ill-gotten hairs himself, so can’t really criticize.

After the events of the last 12 months or so, I can’t say I’m surprised to see some gray hairs popping up. I feel I’ve aged a decade. But I really wasn’t expecting to see these tiny harbingers of old age for at least another 15 years.

On the bright side, we live in the modern times of hair color. I will have this little problem taken care of at the end of the month and every few months thereafter.

We will never speak of it again.

Kudos to Oprah

Most days I don't watch The Oprah Winfrey Show, but yesterday I was interested in the episode because it featured Oprah discussing her battle with weight. I'd read a piece she'd written for O magazine about how she had gained 40 pounds and was so disappointed she was still talking about her weight. (You can read more about it here.)

I appreciated her candor in discussing her battle with weight, her struggles with emotional eating, self-esteem and how she'd completely taken herself off her own to-do list.

A publicity stunt? Well, I suppose some cynical folks might say that. But I can't imagine many women who would want to share how much they weigh, how they feel about themselves and what sizes they have in their closet with a national audience. So, I give Oprah credit for addressing an issue that thousands of women face daily. Who hasn't made a commitment to start exercising and then skipped a few too many gym sessions? Who hasn't committed to making more time for yourself and then found you had no time for anything you wanted to do?

While I might not always agree with all of Oprah's beliefs, I admire her for all she's done, her charity and her ability to rise from humble beginnings to make something of herself. She's one of the few celebrities I'd really like to meet.

"Falling off the wagon," as Oprah puts it, happens to all of us. I'm just glad People magazine isn't there to document it.